I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
