woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Randomize
