She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Randomize
