Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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