so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize