So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Little spoons don't ask big questions
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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