Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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