I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize