screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
