suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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