You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
