2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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