my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
