I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
