You're so nebulous sometimes
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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