tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
