oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
i black out too much to be "responsible"
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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