shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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