i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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