the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
