Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
We just shotgunned beers for America
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Randomize
