I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
