Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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