remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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