Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
