so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
