there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize