So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Alive.
So much puke
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Randomize
