The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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