Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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