Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
