Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
