Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
