Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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