this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Randomize
