mondays should just be called national damage control day
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
