Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
