Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
