I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
