sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
