let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
