Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
