I was born with a shot glass in my hand
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Randomize
