He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
