whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
