I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
