Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
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