i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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