I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
