Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize