yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
