Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
