and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize