k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Randomize
