i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
