Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
