I am in a vortex of obligation.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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