He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
