i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Randomize
