just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Randomize