Your face is a jimmy john
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
