So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
