went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Randomize
