all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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