you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
