He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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