My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
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