dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
