He is an equal opportunity slut.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
