true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
