we have pet lesbian snakes
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize
